


I Don't Stalk. I Simply Investigate

by futuretrapqueen



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:39:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4741577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuretrapqueen/pseuds/futuretrapqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cristiano asks Leo a 'hypothetical' question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Stalk. I Simply Investigate

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick drabble. Happy long weekend <3

The warm, frothy water felt heavenly against his skin.

"Leo."

And the steam from the bubble bath was lulling him into a moment of pure bliss.

"Leoooooo."

The Argentine didn't think anything could pull him out of his current state of euphoria.

"Leooooo, pay attention to me!"

Except maybe the cocksure Portuguese man currently pressed up against his back.

"Sorry baby. What is it?"

"I have a question for you."

Cristiano and questions didn't mix very well. Like redbull and milk - Cristiano was the milk and the questions were the redbull - once they combined, Cristiano would rapidly curdle, stomach aches would follow and vomiting would ensue ...

So to say Leo was weary about what his lover was about to ask, would absolutely be an understatement.

"So, hypothetically speaking ..."

"Uh huh."

"If I was to give you a free pass for a day ..."

"Uh huh."

"And you could fuck whoever you wanted to ..."

" Uh huh."

"Who would you choose?"

"No one, Cris. It's only you for me."

"Oh my God. You are so full of shit! Seriously baby, if you could pick anyone in the world, who would it be?"

"Well ... I've always thought that Johnny Depp was very handsome."

"Yeah but he's like 80."

"What? No he isn't Cris, did you see him in Pirates of the Caribbean? That is one sexy pirate."

"Yeah, if scurvy is a turn on ... Pick someone else."

"Alright ... Robert Downey Jr?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because he's mine. Next?"

"Okay ... what about the guy who plays Captain America?"

"Chris Evans?"

"Yeah! He's really handsome."

"You can't fuck someone named Chris. That's insulting Leo."

"Yeah but technically his name isn - "

"I said no!"

"Okay, okay. Jesus ... DiCaprio?"

"Too serious."

"Robert Pattinson?"

"Too clueless."

"Michael Fassbender?"

"I don't appreciate when another man's penis is bigger than my own."

"Cris ..."

"Yes I realize yours is bigger, but their are exceptions to my rule, Leo! Shut up!"

"..."

"..."

"... Tom Hardy?"

"..."

"..."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah he's handsome. A little rough around the edges. He's serious but not too serious and I enjoy his acting. Good choice babe."

"Thanks. What about you?"

"Oh that's easy."

"Downey Jr, right?"

"Nah, I mean yes if our paths ever crossed but based strictly on availablity, I think I'd pick someone a little closer to home."

"And who might that be?"

"Neymar."

"Oh."

"Yup."

"..."

"..."

"You're fucking with me, right?"

"Would you pick Inception-sized Tom Hardy or Bane-sized Tom Hardy. I need to know ... For science."


End file.
